The American football wide receiver for the New England Patriots, Kayshon Boutte, has penned an emotional essay as he recalls his gambling addiction in the hope it helps someone else going through the same thing.

Titled ‘How the hell did I get here?’, the essay begins by explaining that at 20 when he had a full ride scholarship at LSU and his future ahead of him, he would start his days by betting.

“I’d stay up late and bet. All day. All night. I had insomnia, so if I woke up in the middle of the night, phone next to the bed, I’d bet. Any little money I had, it was going straight to FanDuel.”

I’m sharing my story with @PlayersTribune in the hopes it helps someone else going through the same thinghttps://t.co/p2qENUAOUf

— Kayshon Boutte (@KayshonBoutte1) January 7, 2026

He explained how he knew he was addicted, stating how he would be in his own world on his phone: “Laying in bed, in the dark, in pain, with the light glowing on my face. It was a lonely experience. Like you in an empty casino, alone at the blackjack table.

“Adding more money to the account, and more money, and more money, with the press of a couple buttons. You lose touch with reality. It gets to a point where it feels like the money ain’t even real. But it is real, because in the real world, I was living paycheck to paycheck. Waiting on NIL checks to clear.”

Kayshon Boutte says he was living paycheck to paycheck in gambling essay

The athlete said he put a huge $90,000 of his own money into gambling and lost it all, with an ankle injury then leading him into depression. When he felt like he had lost his identity, through no longer being able to play football while injured, he turned to gambling.