I was 14, sitting in the school hall. A group of us were chatting as it grew dark. 

We were on a school camp and had set up camp beds in the school hall. Perhaps it was the break from our normal school routine. Perhaps it was the strangeness of spending the night away from home or just the spontaneous chemistry of a few teenaged girls letting down their guard. We began to talk about our feelings and how we felt, really felt, about our families.

Out tumbled stories of being misunderstood, of not feeling like we were enough, of how our siblings were there or not there for us, and of how parents were too busy, or too stressed, or did not seem to care enough to give us the emotional support we wanted. 

People expect families to be happy places where parents are loving and supportive, and assume that home is a place of sanctuary, of safety and shelter. While that is true, for many people, it is not always true for all.

That afternoon, I felt liberated and oddly relieved.  I reflected in my diary afterwards: I’m not odd. My family isn’t so deficient. We all have issues in the family. 

As children, we expect our parents to be there for us whenever we need them. Realising that your parents are doing their best, but can fail to meet your needs, is a critical step towards emotional maturity as you start to see your parents as individuals in their own right, who cannot always give you what you need. 

Friendships are important in our psychosocial development as individuals. As children, we learn emotional safety, expression and regulation within the family. When we become teenagers, we form friendships outside the family – schoolmates, members of social groups we belong to, people with common interests, friends of friends. Such friendships offer us a mirror to see ourselves and to understand ourselves better. We learn to express emotions and vulnerabilities. We learn to affirm what others share. And when there is conflict, we learn how to negotiate differences and manage disagreements.

Adolescence is a tumultuous period, with pressures from school, hormonal changes in the bo...