SINGAPORE – Emotional regulation is not an innate ability but a skill that parents and caregivers teach children.

The ability to manage and respond to emotional experiences is a core skill that improves mental health, enhances daily functioning and helps build healthy relationships.

In the latest , child and adolescent psychiatrist Dr Ong Say How said parents should be mindful of modeling healthy emotional coping skills.

They should also defer difficult conversations until composed, as children will mirror their parents’ behaviour.

Dr Ong is the chair of creative services and the youth committee at the Singapore Association of Mental Health, and a senior consultant psychiatrist at the Institute of Mental Health.

Here are some edited excerpts from that conversation:

A: Keep trying and don’t be discouraged or give up. Since children may not feel comfortable talking about their problems directly, try to create relaxed opportunities for communication.

For instance, take them for a walk, or do an activity together. During these more relaxed moments, you can start gently probing them.

As a parent, you have the right to say you’re concerned because you observed something and you’re not sure what it is about, and whether you could be of any help to the child.

 A: It’s perfectly alright to say “sorry, I was just too angry and upset and I said the wrong thing”.

It takes courage to apologise to the child. Also, there’s nothing wrong with being sorry for making the wrong choice – but be aware of it and try to rectify it.

It’s crucial to move away from the idea that the person who has the “last word” is the winner in a disagreement. Don’t view it as a challenge.

Instead, the focus should be on taking a step back and approaching ea...